Gay man goes straight
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The pervasive influence of societal heteronormativity and rigid gender role expectations often creates a powerful current, subtly guiding us away from introspection and delaying the profound journey of self-discovery.
Yet, amidst these pressures, a powerful truth emerges: sexual identity is not always a binary, static concept. For countless adults, particularly men, navigating sexual identity fluidity in later life is a brave, transformative journey, not an anomaly to be hushed or dismissed.
These role models, who had embraced their identities and built fulfilling lives, offered tangible hope and practical blueprints. It was a person, a soul, and suddenly, my neatly constructed identity started to feel restrictive."
This realization introduced Alex to the concept of sexual identity fluidity – the understanding that a person’s attractions, preferences, and identity can change over time.
They were simply attracted to the sexual contact they were sharing, thrilled by the taboo adventure of it. It is difficult to write about the guilt and fear I felt about possibly being “gay” because it was a difficult time period but also because it seems like a terrible thing to think. It’s the exhausting work of maintaining a facade, not just for the world, but for oneself.
The Shattering Moment: When Denial Is No Longer an Option
For the wall of denial to crumble, there is often a pivotal moment or a series of events that makes the truth impossible to ignore.
He looked to labels, to the reactions of friends and family, and to societal norms to confirm his identity and worth. I don’t find the guys attractive.
blanx8
Straight guy- no experimentation here. Correction - I attended a fundamentalist non-denominational Christian school.
Reactions can span a vast spectrum:
- Support and Understanding: Some friends and family members may offer unwavering love and support, recognizing the courage it takes to live authentically. The gay or bi boy may be secretly and eagerly waiting for the next invitation. He said he could "never imagine being with another woman."
Joe Kort, a sex and relationship psychotherapist who specializes in mixed-orientation marriages, previously told BI that he calls this dynamic "gay plus one."
That is when a man is gay but is emotionally attracted to and turned on by his female partner — just like someone might be with a partner who is not their usual type.
Greenstone still identifies as heterosexual but does consider the relationship to be queer because, to her, queer means "stepping outside the realm of what society considers normal."
The couple plans to be honest about their relationship if they have children.
Hoff said: "My thought is just to raise the kid always knowing that I'm gay.
When he identified as straight, he felt pressure to be a "provider" or "protector." When he identified as gay, he felt pressure to fit into specific archetypes within the gay community.
Embracing fluidity showed him that these expectations were external constructs, not inherent truths. After high-school I met and married a woman and we were together for 9 years.
What do you think “experimentation” suggests about one’s sexuality (if anything)?
On second thought, ladies please feel free to include your experiences and thoughts about this, I’m sure that is equally as interesting.
aaslatten2
Hmmm, well … I’m straight and the thought of experimenting has crossed my mind … I’ve never acted on it, but I think it’s a natural aspect of human sexuality.
This foundational self-acceptance not only empowers individuals to live authentically but also opens the door to understanding the expansive, fluid nature of identity itself.
Building on the profound self-acceptance nurtured through therapy and counseling, our next story invites us to consider an even broader canvas of identity, where the lines blur, and freedom truly takes hold.
Uncharted Waters: Navigating Fluid Identity for True Freedom
For many, the journey of self-discovery involves stepping beyond preconceived notions of who they are, embracing a dynamic, ever-evolving sense of self that defies simple categorization.
Believe me, there are A LOT of ostensibly-straight guys who regularly have sex with other men. Their own identity, as a spouse and parent, is suddenly challenged. Internalized homophobia is the insidious process by which a person absorbs society’s negative stereotypes, biases, and fears about homosexuality and applies them to themselves.
Therapy provides strategies for managing anxiety, building resilience, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
Overcoming Internalized Homophobia and Societal Pressures
One of the most insidious hurdles in the self-acceptance journey is overcoming internalized homophobia.
It was exciting, fun, etc., but not in any significant way different than going bmx riding in the woods either with my friends - just something more “secret”.
At 13 I moved to another state with my mother and attended a Christian school.