Roasts for gay people

You know, when you leave the room.

Everyone brings happiness to a room.

I’m just giving myself a head start.

Creative Roasts

1. Somewhere a tree is producing oxygen for you.

   When certain people discover you’re gay, that’s all they will see you as, and they will show their lack of respect and acceptance by calling you “gay” instead of your actual name.
    
   This will require you to put your foot down, because unless you do, the abuse is likely to continue. You’re obviously brain dead.”
    
   It says you won’t waste your time trying to clarify anything to this person, especially since he/she lacks intelligence, maturity and compassion.

    
    

   09“Is that  the best you can come up with?

   If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

2. Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?
3. Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
4. I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you time to understand what you just said.
5. It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
6. Why are you rolling your eyes?

   You need to acquire a better taste.

7. It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.
8. I’m sorry… Did my back hurt your knife?
9. When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. Take a deep breath and then hold it for about twenty minutes.
10. I hide behind sarcasm because telling you to go fuck yourself is rude in most social situations.
11. I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch.
12. Yes, I am a bitch — just not yours.
13. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
14. The last time I saw something like you… I flushed.
15. You bring everyone so much joy!

    You suck at bullying, so you should seriously consider another hobby.”
     
    This is a good example of what to say when someone calls you gay because calling someone gay isn’t an insult. It’s called being a plant Mom, not being a plant undertaker.

16. Your writing is not made for the big screen, maybe for the small screen, a phone screen. 
17. I am so single; I wake up to ‘battery full’ every morning.
18. If I have kids, I will just purposefully forget them at school.
19. There’s somebody out there for everybody.

    If in doubt, keep it light, ensure everyone’s comfortable, and don’t forget to laugh at yourself, too. I’m not Willy Wonka.

20. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
21. You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.
22. You’re cute. Because that’s how I feel right now.
23. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
24. I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.
25. You love to act stupid.

    I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

26. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
27. It’s a parents job to raise their children right.

    Are you looking for great roasts? Try again, never.”
     
    It says you’re ignoring what the person has to say because you don’t entertain foolishness.

    You should get to know someone before you make that assumption.”
     
    It’s okay to be annoyed or upset in the face of ignorance because overt emotions work better at showing a person the consequences of their ignorance than words do. It says that he/she could learn something from gay people because they’re killing it at fashion.

     

     

    11“[Turn to someone else] So, what have you been up to?”
     
    This is a good way to ignore what was said and move on without acknowledging the nonsense.

     
     

    12“Why?

    every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.

28. I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me.
29. I like the way you comb your hair, so horns don’t show up.
30. Jealousy is a disease. My apologies! Were you hoping for a kiss?”
     
    This says you aren’t offended by being called gay, because that isn’t something bad.

    This is for the non-confrontational readers who just want to move on without making a scene or who refuse to feed into the nonsense.

    Option 2: A witty response to let the person know that was wrong (or stupid). I mean, you even used to make your happy meal cry.

31. I’m not saying you’re a commitment-phobe, but baby, my phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
32. I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
33. I know it looks like I’m listening to you, but really I’m just visualizing duck tape over your mouth.

1. Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
2. Do you know the best part about being your friend?

   It’s not like you can tell someone is gay by looking at them.”
    
   If the person isn’t being intentionally disrespectful, this comment will force him/her to really think about what was said, and why it was wrong.

    
    

   21“Gay people and other members of the LGBTQ+ have different personalities and appearances.

   It says sexual orientation doesn’t matter to you, and the person has failed at trying to make you feel bad.

    

    

   02“I thought your [insert relation] was gay? I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

3. Mirrors can’t talk. Don’t pass your dumb genes to an innocent child.
4. Please clean out this apartment.